Rants, Ramblings and General Diary of Juliana Wathen

Posts tagged ‘spirit’

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Diving in Naked

It was early morning on Padre Island and I had already decided to get on the road and make the 6 hour drive home to Houston after ringing in the New Year with one of my oldest and dearest friends on South Padre Island. The weather had not been our best friend this trip, high winds, cold temperatures and rainy skies had kept us from venturing out too much. The low hanging clouds had engulfed the island in a blanket of gray with only brief moments of sun light streaking through every now and again. In retrospect, it was a blanket I needed. It comforted me in familiarity with my kindred soul, a sister from another mister as they say. A sister of choice who I shared my mother with. We went to church on Sunday at Chapel by the Sea. Kim sang out all the hymns I didn’t know as I remained quietly standing beside her. I translated the preachers words almost instantaneously in my mind as my perceptions and understandings of the scriptures he read and stories he told didn’t quite mirror my own beliefs but at the core still resonated.

Afterwards we brunched with ladies of the isle 30 and even 40 years our seniors and I was amazed at their combined history and journeys as they sipped mimosas and devoured sugar dusted donut balls. Over the next few days we shopped, napped, read books, solved the worlds woes and fed each others spirit with gentle nudges of truth and observations. I was in a safe harbor to laugh, cry, explore or to do nothing more than be if that was what I needed.

Several years back we had spread my mother’s ashes on the north end of the National Seashore. We hadn’t gone out there this trip and it seemed odd to not go and pay some sort of homage but it just never happened with the rain and cold. I was just resigned to it I think.

And then my friend asked me as we sat perched high over the gulf of Mexico from our “Ivory Tower” , watching the gray waves wash in and spotting a few bundled up beach combers searching the sand for treasures, “Are you sure you don’t want to go see Wanda?”. It was like one of those brief breaks in the clouds where the sun comes shining thru, if only for a moment, like a spotlight on center stage. I knew where I needed to be and what I needed to do. Not for Wanda, but for me. I had spoken about it briefly a few days before. The need for a cleansing, a chance to wash off the previous year and start anew. A clean slate for the new year ahead.

I grabbed a few beach towels and still in my Vera Wang PJ’s we headed to the north shore. The wind was howling and you could feel the gusts push the jeep from side to side every now and again as we traveled down the main highway. We reached the beach entrance, sand dunes piled high on either side. The sand was wet and deep but no real challenge for a jeep. I rolled down my window and breathed in heavy doses of chilled salt air. We passed a few fishermen who where stubborn enough to brave the cold and rough surf in the hope of catching a few silvery pompano. Two heron stood watch as if they had a vested interest in the fisherman’s success and it made me smile.

We drove further up the beach until we saw the spot we loving call “Wanda’s Beach”. The tide was coming in and there we were. There was a frothy foam on the top of the water from the constant battering of waves. I laughed to myself and said a silent thank you to Wanda for the soap! A prayer of protection and a silent meditation and then I stepped from the jeep and began to disrobe. The sand was cold on my feet, the wind bit at every bump and bulge and yet I continued to undress. Here I was, rapidly approaching my 56th birthday, 225 lbs of insecurity and a slight fear of water, marching into the waves. I didn’t run or plunge but with a steadfast purpose walked into the ocean. Letting it take me one step at a time, one wave at a time to a new year. Not a new me but a truer me. Not as scared, not as insecure, not as mournful for the loss of my mother who was my best friend in the world. The waves were rolling in. One minute waste deep the next up to my neck and floating, my feet swept up off the sandy floor but still capable of moving forward.

That’s the choice….to move forward. A wave lapped over my head and I knew, forward can be many things. I embraced the waves and now it was time to embrace the chilling air. I turned and made my way back to shore just as slowly and deliberately as I had walked in. And there, on the shore, was my soul sister to welcome me, wrap me in her blanket and arms and share the moment. My heart was beating through my chest and I gasped for air as I clung to her. I never felt warmer or more alive.

This was why I was here. To acknowledge that feeling of vulnerability and insecurity you are left with when orphaned on earth with the lose of a parent. To finally take all the things they had taught you and instilled in you and use them on a daily basis without their prodding.

I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I am brave. I am kind. I am that I am. And so my sweet, are you.

I love each and every one of you.

Juliana

Copyright Juliana Wathen 2019

Still working on the chorus…..

DrMomma Keep Moving It’s not lost on me that some people actually lose the ability to move forward in life. They become weighted and bogged down in life by the things they spend years struggling and fighting against. They live in a state of unrest. Emotionally, physically and spiritually denied by their own short comings and insecurities. Till finally, they are so accustomed to the dis-ease in their spirit they stop and withdraw behind a solid blindfold. They sit still,convinced that non-movement is the safest course.

We all can feel stagnant from time to time. These days I find I fight off the cold blindness and the temptation to wrap up in that blanket of insecurity by shuffling my feet. It doesn’t even matter what direction I move in as long as I keep moving. If I go down the wrong road, then so be it! I can always turn around and go back the other way…as long as I keep moving.

Some people move along with a song in the heart. I’m 50 years old and I’ve got the first verse…I’m still working on the chorus.

I love each and every one of you
Juliana

Copyright 2013 Juliana Wathen

Move according to your heart…..

Follow your heart…it is an age old saying. But today…so many of us have been trained and conditioned to be such “LEADERS” in our lives and communities that we rarely allow ourselves to relax and  “FOLLOW” much of anything. We precieve “following” as the weaker option and therefore the lessor or least likely choice

There is some much concentration on the daily challenges, expectations and conflicts that all we see are the expected roadblocks in our lives. We no longer see the beauty or our power within us to enjoy LIFE.  Hyper-Tunnel vision has us so focused on recognizing the chains that bind that we don’t take notice of the fact that the lock is open. And that all we have to do is unhook the padlock and the chains will fall away.

Instead of waiting for someone or something to FOLLOW. Rest and relax in your spirit. Listen to your heart…..MOVE according to your heart.

MOVE ACCORDING TO YOUR HEART…..It knows you better than anyone. It will not lead you astray.

I love each and every one of you.

Juliana

Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

The Power of One

Healing Humanity begins with one soul. One person who has the courage to say” Heal me Father, make me whole”.

I don’t ask that you  take away my disease but rather that you take away the  dis-ease in my spirit that impairs my body. My heart is then restored.

I don’t ask that you take away the fat that clogs and pollutes my system. I ask that you remove the emotional weight I have resisted letting go of for so many years. I know the pounds will follow.

Take away my false appetites Father and restore my right train of thought. Lead me to those that will feed my soul and nourish my spirit.

I lay claim to healing in body, mind and spirit.

I pray for Peace for Humanity, I pray for Perfect Guidance and Clear Understanding for all people in all things. And so it is.

I love each and every one of you, and yes Lori, some days, I love you just a little bit more.

Juliana

All You Need.

A thousand wishes and dreams I hope come true for you.
Peace, like calm seas, to fill your heart forever and a day
Waves of Love more carefree, open and overflowing than you can ever imagine.
A rock to anchor to when storms clouds gather. A star to always guide you home.
I send you all this and more.
I send you love on a sea of dreams where wishes can fill your sails everyday.
I wish for you today the grandest of all wishes. I wish you to have all that you need. Today and everyday.

Gotta play to win.

Some days, I just don’t wanna play. Plain and simple. My mental “get up and go” has “got up and went”.I’m hesitating on the door step of life and really just want to turn around and walk my big butt right back into the house, shuck my clothes and crawl back in bed. Warm, cozy,big bed with overstuffed pillows and soft sheets. Snuggling down, aghh… then a heavy sigh…sleep and dreams fill my eyes with visions of sweet tropical island bliss. The warm sun on my skin. The fresh scent of the ocean. A colorful, rum spiked cocktail with a paper umbrella and a wedge of suculent pineapple  in my hand. Beside me?  A long-legged mate with the most incredible blue eyes……………Ring-Ring, Ding- Ding…tweeeeeeet!!!!!

The sounds of NOTIFICATIONS from my Blackberry fire off in rapid succession and I am rudely awakened and kicked back into the game of life. Seeing as there is no back up quarterback  to replace “ME”…I gotta suit up and get out there. I got plays to call today! I got the end zone in sight. It’s all or nothing!

YOU GOTTA BE IN IT TO WIN IT!

You can sit on the bench and dream about your BIG CHANCE or you can go out there and make it happen.

Ring-Ring, Ding-Ding, TWEET TWEET, I’m GOING!

UP!

Okay Saturday morning…how you do’in? I’m up. Maybe not completely vertical but up none the less. I have a cup of coffee, have called two after-hours techs for equipment for a show tomorrow and since my laundry is done and the cat is fed…..I’m stuck staring at my YOGA DVD.

Why is the thought of starting a 20 minute yoga routine such a drudgery. It’s gonna make me feel better. I’ll be more flexible. I’ll be focused for the day. My circulation will increase! Maybe I’m just afraid what the good old oxygen rich blood might do to those starved nether regions. I don’t want no trouble outta yous guys!

The sectional sofa is calling my name like a siren from the shore. The chatter on Facebook is all about the new French cooking show on the Food Network and the remote control is just….right…there. The glistening bottle of amber Amaretto sitting on my kitchen counter is screaming “Put me in the God Damn Coffee!”. Sofa, Snuggie, TV, Coffee GOODNESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

And then I hear in a calm soothing voice…..”The couch will still be there in 20 minutes. You can TiVo the cooking channel and the Amaretto….well, and wouldn’t you rather trade in the Amaretto for a glass of wine at dinner tonight?”

What?     Who said that?  Hmmmm, nobody here but me and Punkin and that cat ain’t talking.  Then comes a whisper in my ear…”Inner Voice”.

Aghhh yes, I remember now. I have been praying for guidance and meditating to “hear” the answers. Well, just smack me on the back and call me successful. I was LISTENING and didn’t even know it. I guess this stuff really does work.

Okay – I am up. DVD in and me and my new boyfriend Rodney Yee are gonna get down to some YOGA. Excuse me. Check ya later.

Namaste

Juliana

The gesture Namaste represents the belief that there is a Divine spark within each of us that is located in the heart chakra. The gesture is an acknowledgment of the soul in one by the soul in another. “Nama” means bow, “as” means I, and “te” means you. Therefore, Namaste literally means “bow me you” or “I bow to you”    Aadil Palkhivala’s

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