Rants, Ramblings and General Diary of Juliana Wathen

Posts tagged ‘choices’

Blue days…..

Blue days have a way of sneaking up on me. I guess I looked as pitiful as a kitten who couldn’t go out to play yesterday afternoon. The A/C was out when I got home and the maintenance worker dropped by to check it out. He has been to my unit several times before since I moved in last December and he is sweet as he can be and no bigger than a minute. Lucky for him there isn’t a maintenance man chart that says , “Must be this tall to be a repair man”, or he would have been in some serious trouble. We exchanged the normal niceties and he went about his chores. He changed the filter and added freon and soon I was good to go.

He climbed down from his ladder and stood there wiping his hands on his rag. He stashed the rumpled fabric  in his hip pocket, lifted the ladder and started to go but hesitated, set down the ladder  and asked me very politely if not in perfect English, “Ma’am, do you mind I tell you something?”…I thought he was going to tell me how to program the damn computerized thermostat or how to save on my electric bill. Instead he looked me straight in the eye and said in the most loving voice.

“Ma’am, I always like seeing you in the hallways  and always love come to your unit. When I walk in, is refreshing with clean smells, energy  and happiness. Today, I think you are no happy. I come in the door and I don’t feel your smile. Please, take time and put you beautiful smile back on, for me, please. So beautiful you’re smile. Makes everyone happy to see.”

Wow, a repair man AND a therapist. Talk about amenities! Do I know where to live or what?

In less than 24 hours of coming home from a great weekend I had slid right into a BLUE DAY.

I am forced to face yet another round of doctor appointments for a heart that just can’t seem to find a beat. At least, not a regular one anyway. I’ve put it off for weeks busy riding the wave of life! But the wave crashed the shores and I have run out of excuses to ignore it any longer. The worse side effects of an abnormal heart beat are the water retention and the over whelming feeling of being just too damn tired to move. So I laid on the couch and thought about what my little man had to say.

He didn’t “feel my smile” last night cause I just couldn’t find one. It had left the building. Getting it back, I realize, is just a choice away. A decision to change how I feel inside and out. To be thankful for what I have. I have more than some and less than many but always plenty to share. To love the people who love me and bless those that don’t and yes, there are actually a few out there. To appreciate the moments and live in the now cause yesterday is just a memory that will fade with time.  For every day is a gift…Some days you need a bow, shiny paper and even some curly ribbons  to wrap it up and make it look pretty….but it is a gift none the less.

I love each and every one of you. If you weren’t in my life there would be no life worth having.


Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

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