Rants, Ramblings and General Diary of Juliana Wathen

Archive for the ‘excercise’ Category

Living life 8 seconds at a time…..

thVOHSAJ9TThis week RODEO HOUSTON gets underway and you will find me every fourth night volunteering in the Main Corral Club at NRG Center. To get in the mood I have dropped more than my share of semi-expendable cash at Cavender’s Western Wear, had my boots polished and have spent the evening being a slug watching The American Rodeo on RFD-TV. Giddy up and go cowgirl!!!

On this dreary Sunday I have lain up in the middle of my pretty-pretty princess bed surrounded by a large assortment of pillows and a sleeping fur ball and watched four-legged and two-legged athletes alike put it all on the line for a buckle and a paycheck. The toughest of the bunch stake their entire existence on just 8 seconds.  8 seconds.

I started to think just how long 8 seconds must feel like when there is a pissed off 1000lb bull with his nut sack cinched up to Jesus and back, trying like hell to make this is your last day on earth. How many decisions does that cowboy have to make in 8 seconds do you think? His entire life can flash before his eyes, he has time to second guess the bull’s next move and prepare for it and he even has time to think about what the future will hold and how he will spend his money if he makes to buzzer. All in 8 Seconds.

I feel the pressure some days of all the choices I have and need to make in living this life. Some days I feel like I’ve spent more time tossed to the dirt than riding high. So I sat and pondered, what if I only gave myself 8 seconds to make a choice. What if I only allowed myself 8 seconds when I wake up in the morning to get out of bed? I’d be UP AND MOVING. What if I had to make decisions in 8 seconds on food choices and exercise as if my life depended on it.  Ohhhh wait…it DOES!

Bells and whistles go off in my head…..I spend too much time having casual conversations with myself day in and day out, rationalizing bad choices. I talk myself out of getting up, getting out and living life. I wait on others to be motivated and use more excuses than a politician seeking re-election. The time has come to COWGIRL UP Ladies!!! Time to take the bull by the horns and make some better choices. I’ll let you know how it turns out!

I love each and every one of you.

Juliana Wathen

Copyright 2015

Mornings SUCK!……

MORNING PERSON?…….NOT!!!!…Anyone who has ever met me will testify in open court that I am NOT , nor have I ever been, a “morning person”. You know the type. They spring out of bed with an annoyingly perky smile on their face and a obnoxiuos song in their heart. It would never occur to them to actually use a “SNOOZE” button on an alarm clock. NO, these are the people who can immediately jump up and start a load of laundry on their way out the door to the gym and make it back home in time to make the bed, have a shower and balance their check book all before the morning rush hour gets started. I HATE THEM. Just saying…..

I did, however, make an effort to join them this morning. I bought an $11.00 dollar alarm clock/radio at Target this weekend. Lord knows I haven’t had one of those in over 35 yrs. I’m  one of THOSE people who just get up when I’m supposed to but with my “Supposed” to time changing to make time to haul my fat ass downstairs to the gym in the morning I thought I better make the investment. I set my clock for 7:00AM….It went off and I hit the snooze button….typical…that’s what your supposed to do, right?…7:15AM…it goes off again.This time I let the radio play a classic rock song for a bit to wake me up and get me acclimated to the upright world. “Ughhhhhh this sucks”…..I’m thinking as I clutch my micro fiber body pillow closer to me. One song down and some ass hole commentator starts jibber jabbering about politics. He and his on-air sidekicks are trying to be funny and with a touch of Rock-Jock Shock humor….I found their slightly sanitized/riding on the edge of PC racial jokes utterly annoying. Instead of hitting the snooze button again, I just rolled my finger across the dial till I heard the soft melodic tones of elevator music. Aghhhhh better……Snuggle…..snuggle…….snoooooooooze……….

I awoke at 8:15AM….my usual time. I panicked and jumped to my feet, which is never pretty. I grabbed my bra, shorts and t-shirt, a cute pair of pink socks from the drawer and proceeded to get dressed. I ran to the couch to put on my new “tennis shoes for exercising”  and turned on the TV only to notice the time on the cable box 8:22AM….I did the math in my head….8:22 +3 minutes to find my earphones and head down stairs….35 minutes on the tread mill, 3 minutes back up stairs….15 minutes to shower and change for work topped with a 5 minute drive down the street to the office…..hmmmmmm. I am now officially 23 minutes late for work.

Obviously, this morning’s dry run didn’t work out. I skipped the gym, took the shower and opted for Special K with Strawberries for breakfast. I packed my Scooby Do lunch box, choked down a hand full of  prescription medications and headed out the door. I made it to work with a few minutes to spare.

Tomorrows plan…6:45AM wake up time…..better radio station and make it out the door to the gym by 7:15AM….It’s a goal….and a process.

BTW…..I lost 6 lbs last week…Yeah me!!!!

I love each and every one of you


Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

Slap my ass and call me Daisy…..

During my “quiet time” at the pool this afternoon I got to thinking. Hmmmmm. They say that everyone should have a spiritual animal guide, I wonder what animal I would  get  for a guide today? …Immediately I had a vision of a cow  ( a very cute cow) chewing it’s cud.

CUD : “Food regurgitated from the first stomach to the mouth of a ruminant and chewed again”. It’s a digestion thing.

Seems I have been regurgitating some emotional hay and having to chew it up all over again this week to get it down my gullet and out the other end. So, after swimming 5 laps (yes 5 and they aren’t baby laps either – the pool is 75 ft long…I counted the tiles.) ANYWAY – I  heaved up on the lounger to multi-task and soak up some late afternoon sun and meditate.

I named every emotion that plagued me this week. Guilt, blame, shame etc and I mentally attached 10 lbs per word and laid them on a spiritual alter of sorts. When I had purged my list I envisioned setting the alter a flame and sending all that negative energy and the weight  that burdened me from it up in smoke. I struck the match, I lit the flame and THAT ladies and gentleman is how you start a grease fire!  Wow!!!!! Damn good thing there’s not a burn ban in the spiritual world cause that mother went UP! Oooooohhhh. The curse of  the creative mind. Meditation time was over and I swam another 5 laps and snorted water up my nose laughing at myself and nearly drowned.

Meditation isn’t for everyone. 20 yrs ago we included my brother, Vern, in a guided meditation class I was hosting. The teacher that night asked us all to go within. Follow the journey and the sound of his voice. Walk in a cave and then out into a glen. When you stand in the glen you were to call forth your animal guide from the tree line and he would emerge…you could ask him a question…blah blah.. he would take you to the SON/SUN for a gift etc….Afterwards we went round the group and asked about each others experience. When it came Vern’s turn to “Share” the teacher asked him.

Well Vern, Did you find the glen?

“Yes sir”  -he said with his hands folded lightly on his lap.

Goooood, Vern, did you ask for a spiritual guide to emerge from the tree line?

“Ugh huh, sure did”, he had a grin on his face like he had really learned something important which surprised me.

And did you ask him to take you to the SON/SUN?

Vern quickly blurted out – from a very spiritual place all his own – “Hell no! It was a 12 point buck. I shot that mother. Course, I knew you hippie folks was medi-tating so I shot him with my bow and arrow. Right through the heart. That wiley rascal never knew what hit him!

Word to the wise…..when trying to  enlighten a redneck…… use a high beam spotlight. And when working thru the issues that you are sure you already processed and digested  – don’t be surprised if you don’t have to go back and spend some time chewing your cud to get it all to go down for good.

I love each and every one of you.


Sparkle, Sparkle Lil’ Rock Star…..

There comes a time in a girl’s life when she just has to put on her big girl panties and do something she would never think of doing.  You know, one of those things that you don’t even think of trying because of your size, your age or both!

Well, this weekend was the time. The family reunion was the place. The task at hand? Ride the tube with my crazy ass cousin Dayna down the Colorado River behind a speed boat filled with more cousins just chomping at the bit to see a crazy WIPE OUT!

My biggest fear was that I wouldn’t be able to get my ass back in the boat after I got in the water. But you know what – I figured we could deal with that when the time came. But at THAT moment I was going to seize the day, dive in and RIDE THE RIDE! ……AND I DID IT!!!!!!!

Make it back in the boat? YEP! Had to have some help but so did everyone else. I did it. I didn’t let my size intimidate me. I didn’t let my lack of physical conditioning stop me. No offense Neil Armstrong but your “one small step for man” –  doesn’t hold a candle to the step I took on Saturday, June 11, 2011. The cheers from the boat were loud and rowdy. And my friend Kim couldn’t have beamed any brighter at my accomplishment.

I strutted back to the main house like a prized chicken at the county fair. Jaws dropped right and left as Kim retold the story of my championship ride, how I fell in and got right back on. My poor mother nearly fainted. You see, it is a Johnson trait to freak out and worry about what COULD have happened even though I was standing right in front of her with all my bits and pieces intact! Bless her heart,sweet Wanda, I had to calm her down with hugs and kisses and reassurances that I was just fine. I was more than fine. I was a River Riding ROCK STAR!

If you are not living on the edge, you’re taking up to much room. I took up way to much room for too long sitting on the sidelines. I will be a bench warmer no longer! This is my summer, this is my year, THIS is my life! I’m claiming back my “Sparkle”.

I love each and every one of you





I know it sounds weird but I have never used an alarm clock. I don’t even own one. I just decide what time to get up and that’s when I wake up. Neat trick, I know.

You may think it’s just repetition or routine but it’s not. Whether I need to wake up at 4am or 8am it’s all the same.

Now GETTING up can be the challenge. I admit! I am not that disciplined. So telling myself to get up in time to work out and eat a descent breakfast, choke down all my meds and pack a lunch for the day including snacks and bottled water AND log it all in a Weight Watchers PointsPlus system??? okay – it’s not going to happen most days.

So today I am headed to Target. I’m going to go buy the most obnoxious alarm clock I can find. The kind that keeps annoyingly chiming away till you GET UP and turn it off. I’m hoping I will turn my morning silence that I am so accustomed to into a swift kick in the ass to get up and do what we all know I should be doing.

I’m finally getting the hang of the Points Plus system and I have bought some of the items at the store that have the points listed on them so I don’t have to even think about it. And since you can add in your own recipes you can create your own items which I think is kinda cool.

But it all comes down to how your start your day. I know that when I give myself 30 more minutes to snuggle into my Egyptian Cotton sheets and Downy fresh pillow that I’m not REALLY pampering myself like I tell myself I am. I’m just succumbing to my own line of BS.

When the day is done, the WEIGHT of it is all on my own shoulders. I have taken care of plenty of people in my life. Friends, Lovers and Bosses alike. THAT was a self imposed obstacle and distraction to taking care of myself. I made them more important. I had no problem getting up at 5:30 in the morning to make a partner breakfast or spending the money I should have saved for catching up on bills on entertaining a friend and buying her those things she mentioned she didn’t have.   Somehow it just seemed they were more important. That they deserved to have the things they wanted. Consequently, I attracted those people to be in my inner most circle for most of my life. My mistake was making all THEIR moments more important than my own.

I get pissed sometimes that it took me 48 years to realize I had my own value. That I was worthy of being taken care of. But WTF, better now than never I say.

I love each and every one of you and today, I’m gonna love me just a little more.



I have FINALLY found the latest, most effective way to get in shape. It is THE ultimate work out!!!  A girlfriend was kind enough to share this secret with me. Talk about motivational! OHHHH I just couldn’t wait to share it with everyone. I think we are REALLY on to something that could change the face of workouts everywhere. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how out of shape. There is nothing to buy or sign up for. No special diet. No books to read or DVD’s to sweat to. You don’t even have to leave your house! Any woman with a pulse can do this! Are you ready???  It’s called Coregasm! Yep! COREGASM. Apparently – I say apparently cause I haven’t run home to try it yet – APPARENTLY, it is an orgasm some women can have when performing certain ab exercises. Experts say (wait….BIG O Experts?? Really??? Who knew!!) Well, EXPERTS say that this wacky core induced climax could be due to a number of factors:

1.)The tightening of pelvic muscles

2.) The build up of tension 

 3.) Nerve impulse

At this point in my life I don’t really care if it’s caused by underpaid workers in a sweat shop in Malasia, I think it is wortha try.  It’s doesn’t matter HOW it works, only that it does!

Oh….and if I lose a few inches of my waist…well that’s just gravy…so to speak.


Remember back in the late 70’s when they used to show a commercial with a skillet on a stove with eggs frying in it and the sound bite was ‘THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS!” Sooo scary!

Fast forward thirty years and you see a malformed CANKLE resting on a couch. “This is your foot after a 12 hour day running all over Christ’s creation to get a show up and running”.

It looks much worse than it is – really…and it’s only one. The other is just fine…odd. I know. Just seems ironic that these days I pop 13 pills every morning to be healthy and instead of frying my brain I have swollen ankles. Where is the sense in that?

So what is a CANKLE – the Slang dictionary describes it as:

A fat ankle – one that is as thick as the person’s calf, such that there’s no visible anatomical difference in the two. From “calf” + “ankle.” Usually used in the plural.

I’m special…I only have one cankle tonight. And it doesn’t always look like this. Normally, I have ankles. So I am just gonna sit back and relax and put my cankle up. WAY UP! and see if it can’t find a way to return to normal all on it’s own. Hopefully I won’t wake up with a knalf or worse a vagiknee.

Tomorrow is another day…And I wouldn’t miss it!

I love each and every one of you and your cankles!




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