There is this incredible moment ….a moment so hard to go back and pin point that you might as well not even try. A moment you just accept as having happened as soon as you become AWARE of it.
The AWARENESS comes well after the MOMENT.
I sat today as I drove between jobs and tried to think…was it yesterday? …the day before? Or Monday….was it Monday??? I had to laugh to myself. The “WHEN” and “HOW” really mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. It’s the end results that matter.
Like many, I have actively struggled with negative feelings, fears and phobias for years. I have struggled to let them go and purge them from my daily existence. I worked to let go of anger and I’ve prayed to be released from the stranglehold of unhealthy emotions. I have read books and done meditations to find that peaceful place where these things can no longer touch me.
Through my studies I have discovered that you can say the words, even with conviction, like “I forgive you”, “I am worthy”…or “I’m not in love this person anymore”…but it is something else entirely to believe it and live it. The elusive goal is to no longer feel anger in the back of your throat when you speak a name, to no longer feel a longing in your heart when you hear the name of another or fear a situation. And ultimately, to gather yourself in confidence and move on without regret.
I had that moment today…that AWARENESS moment when I realized that the season in my life had changed and I wasn’t just ready to move on but that I already had. I felt no attachment to the past and the bag of rocks I had left beside the road somewhere along the way. I couldn’t even tell you how many miles back I had dropped the burden. I was just AWARE of traveling lighter.
With that lightness today came a joy that had been missing in my life for a long time. It’s was like welcoming a new season…rejoicing in the falls first cold front to break the oppressive heat of a dry Texas summer. There is a crispness in the air, a lightness in my step and I know that Christmas is just around the corner. Life is a gift…sometimes it even has a bow on it!
I love each and every one of you
Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen
7 comments on “Seasons change…..And so do I…..”
And there was a resounding “yay”
Pretty liberating to realize the torch you had been carrying for someone was finally extinguished and I didn’t even know when the pucket of water hit or who threw it!
You will never lose that awareness—makes you want to shout from the roof tops, “I AM FREE, I AM FREE” That is the true freedom that God wants you to have.
Thank God all mighty – FREE AT LAST!
I’m so happy and excited for this season in your life. Nothing but pure joy right now for you. May it pour over your head and cover every inch of your being….inside and out. You so deserve it!
You too my sweet!