They just don’t make high school cheers the way they (we) used to. I have a 30 year high school class reunion in 11 days….yep 30 yrs….OMG! Okay – that exclamation was not for the number of years but for the revelation I have experienced lately listening to all the 48 yr olds whine how “no one will remember who I am” and “I don’t think any one liked me back then” or “those people scared the hell out of me then why would I wanna see them NOW?”
Take a breath…a deep, deep, deeeeep breath….(just like in the 80’s except without the funny lil pipe) and let it out……..
GET OVER IT! You were not the wall flower you thought you were. You were not invisible for 4 years of school, 7 classes a day and just because you skipped the pep rally and went to the lake or to play darts and scarf down at beer at Weber’s BBQ before health class, we still have a pretty good recollection of who we went to school with.
Here are some easy guidelines to get you through the weekend.
1.) SOMEONE had a crush on you that you never knew about. He’ll probably blurt this out while introducing you to his 3rd wife. Don’t worry. He is harmless.
2.) The guy you had a crush on that you were sure didn’t know you existed…he didn’t ask you out because he thought you were too pretty to say “yes” to him or what the hell. He’s just GAY – get over it!
3.) And ANY BODY that introduces you to their partner? Most likely NOT who they work with but who they live with – again….get over it!
4.) Those pretty girls that never offered to share their lip-gloss in the bathroom will be begging you to buy their Arbonne Cosmetic line out of the trunk of their car.
5.) The guy that hung out at the PATIO between classes with the long hair wearing rock concert t-shirts and jeans everyday with his leather “monkey knot” necklace from PDAP….retired CEO of an internet start up. The BENTLEY in the parking lot is his. He may have even tossed you his keys when he pulled up honestly mistaking you for the valet.
6.) Speaking of hair – if they HAD hair – they may not now, be prepared. If they didn’t have boobs – well, the ones they bought in LA may put your eye out, be equally prepared.
7.) If someone shows up in your personal space every blasted time you walk out of the bathroom…don’t panic. They are not stalking you, they just can’t hold their beer any better than you can.
8.) BTW….Report all stalkers to Management.
9.) If he’s divorced now…and you’re divorced and ….you’re thinking…. it’s fate….it’s probably the vodka…which is probably WHY you are divorced…and he’s divorced….proceed with caution.
10.) If you’ve had a sex change operation and feel the need to show the former Cheerleaders & Pep Squad how they SHOULD have done it…go to the bar immediately and ask the bartender to find me or Lori Acker-Westmoreland, we have experience with interventions.
People change, people stay the same…I think it’s worth the risk to see the results.
After all – I was just a shy, delicate flower in High School and I haven’t changed a bit.
I love each and every one of you