FLY AWAY…..

Today was a strange day and maybe I was just feeling the vibes in the earth but I felt the scars on my heart today. It was a feeling I couldn’t shake till just an hour or so ago.

Emotions welled in me and I missed the one I had held most dear but that is no longer in my life. At some point “feeling” all this just pissed me off.

I had started the day knowing my dearest friend Lori’s dad was in the hospital and they said by days end he needed a quadruple heart by-pass but was in no shape to tolerate the surgery. His heart was so tired. I said my prayers for Giles Henry throughout the day as I drove from task to task. I prayed for the Doctors to find the right solution.

I went on to an event today and was pulled aside. “Had I heard the news?”  – What news?” –  I expected industry gossip but instead was told in the lowest of hushed tones that the fabulous Houston Songtress Yvonne Washington had suffered a heart attack and was scheduled for by-pass surgery tomorrow morning at Methodist Hospital. My own heart sank as she and I had just discussed the signs of a woman’s heart attack as we sat backstage at a gala two weeks ago. She will miss her daughter’s wedding this Saturday and that will break her heart all over again. I said my prayers again as I made my way to my next stop.

The work continued, the day continued and so did this feeling of heartbreak in my heart.

I checked my phone during the event tonight searching for an update on Giles Henry and I saw instead a post on Facebook. A dear high school friends mom had passed away back in our hometown of Conroe. She died at home surrounded by two of her children.Brent did not get there in time.

When the body is frail the heart just stops. And she, like a dove  – flew away as her son drove down the highway listening to track 11 FLY AWAY. He heard a new message in the song he had heard many times before.  he was grateful for the music written by a friend that helped him cope with the loss. And he took the time to tell him so from the side of the road.

Hearts were breaking all around me today. Figuratively and literally. My heart had been broken for years, inside and out . Physically and emotionally I had run my heart thru a ringer in the past few years and yet I survived on each level. Somehow, I was reborn. Yes figuratively and literally.

Today reminded where I had been. I risked my heart. I experienced an incredible love that did not last. My heart is scarred but not broken. I saw a glimpse of what could and should be. I risked my health again and again. My heart nearly threw in the towel for us both. But instead, has forgiven me and beats stronger today than it has in years. There is not a lot of reason behind why I have survived three hearts attacks and Congestive Heart Failure. I have to believe that God’s just not done with me yet and that my heart has not experienced the greatest of moments that he still has planned for me. I appreciate where I have been and even more, where I am going.

So tonight, I pray for the hearts that are ailing and the hearts that are hurting. I pray for the daughter who sits by her father’s bedside holding his hand and saying ‘It’s gonna be okay Giles Henry”, I pray for the mother who worries most about missing her Daughter’s biggest day. And I pray for the son who with a heavy heart listened in his car to track 11 FLY AWAY and found comfort in his moms passing in the words of a song.

I love each and every one of you.

And today I love a beautiful girl, Lori, Yvonne, Giles Henry and Brent just a little bit more. I hope you don’t mind.

Juliana